omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
