my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
