i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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