I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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