i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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