I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
