then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
