He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
