Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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