Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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