I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
