I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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