I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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