she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
