Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
