my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
