At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
