My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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