Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
