Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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