I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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