Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
