Your dad touched me again.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
