I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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