I need help removing her.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't just leave with hair like that
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
