its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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