i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
