Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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