Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties

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(732): View more from New Jersey

so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking

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(239): View more from Florida

Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?

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(954): View more from Florida

like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.

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(309): View more from Illinois

The "puke-towel" started to grow something...

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.

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(518): View more from New York

I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.

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