I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.