i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
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does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.