y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Banned from zoo.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget