so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
