..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
