This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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