I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
