Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
