you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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