I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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