My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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