We're facebook friends in real life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize