Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
