i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
