I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
