Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
