I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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