yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
