I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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