I'm eating all of the evidence.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
