Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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