I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
