M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
