and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
