I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
