I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
