I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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