when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
