The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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