In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
