I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
