wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
