i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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