his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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