whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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