i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
