I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
