hotel room ftw
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
