This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
