hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
