He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
