So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
