The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
