Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
