Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
