I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
