I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
