You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize